I don’t know why it’s taken me soo long to write this – I honestly wish I had written it while it was fresh in my mind. But back then, I barely had time to eat and shower. So here it is, 7 months later!

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If you read my blog post about PPROM, you’ll know my water broke early. I was 35 weeks and 5 days, and was totally shocked when that happened to me. Of course, that’s why they say to expect to the unexpected. I was happily eating chocolate peanut butter ice cream on the couch while watching TV, when my water broke.

We went to the hospital and it turns out the baby wasn’t actually coming that night. He made us wait 10 more days for his arrival! (Read my blog post about PPROM to find out what happened when my water broke and during those 10 days in more detail)!

10 days after my water broke, it was Super Bowl Sunday and I was at the hospital for a routine NST. I had been going quite frequently to get checked on while my water was broken but I was not experiencing any signs of labour. The plan was for me to get induced the next day, which would be 37 weeks and 1 day gestation. I was already booked in and to be honest quite nervous. During my test, a doctor came and spoke to me about possibly doing the induction that day instead of waiting, as they had some space open up. I said I was going to talk to my fiancé, but I knew then and there it was a yes for me. It saved me a likely sleepless night because of all my nerves, and honestly I had been waiting long enough.

I went home to grab our overnight bag (and Carlo!), and we came back to have our baby! It’s a pretty cool feeling, knowing your baby is arriving within the next day or so. It’s like, “Hi, I’m here to be induced,” so casually. But there’s nothing casual about it!

Because of COVID, I was only able to have one support person with me throughout labour and delivery, and no visitors postpartum. Honestly, I did not mind this restriction. It was really beautiful just sharing the moment with Carlo, and having privacy as a new family for a couple of days.

We checked in around 3pm Sunday, and the process started pretty much right away. I was put on IV for Pitocin and it took a few hours to kick in. I remember thinking, hey this isn’t so bad! At first, the contractions were super spread out and felt very mild – almost like a tightness. Carlo was with me every step of the way but I was totally fine at that point. He had the Super Bowl on in the background on his iPhone. He’s a huge football fan and we always joked how we might have a Super Bowl baby (spoiler alert: in the end he wasn’t, he came the next day)!

The next thing I remember is going from “I’m ok” to “I’m definitely NOT ok” and needing Carlo to be glued to me, holding my hands and looking into my eyes. It happened really fast and it shocked me how intense things were getting. Contractions were becoming closer together, and they were painful. I know we’re not supposed to use terms like painful so we don’t scare other future mamas, but it’s what I felt.

Before I gave birth, I read so much on drug-free births and how to avoid having an epidural. I was convinced I could do it drug-free, and looking back I don’t know why I was so insistent upon it. I think I was partially terrified of the epidural. Being induced totally adds to the difficulty as well. Being attached to an IV and monitors the entire time really immobilizes you, and you really want to be mobile to manage your contractions. I fought through the pain for a good couple hours. The nurse showed Carlo some techniques to help me while having contractions (like squeezing my hips together from behind), but this was only minimally helpful. I cried, moaned, breathed, screamed, and cried some more. It was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. My whole body would shake and I felt like I had no control over myself. Finally, during one contraction I cried, “I want my mommmmm,” and that’s when I knew it was epidural time. All my fears of the epidural magically disappeared.

The epidural kicked in right away and I was so grateful. The pain stopped and I was able to get some sleep overnight. The nurses kept having to reposition me in order to have the monitors working, so it was not the most comfortable sleep, but I rested on and off. It was immensely better than having to endure pain all night.

Around 9am I was told that I was ready to start pushing! The sun was shining, I felt good, and I was ready to deliver this baby. With a nurse on one side and Carlo on the other, I pushed through every contraction. Around 11am, the doctor was called in to the room as I was getting close to actually delivering. I had a little more work to do and was getting a bit tired but not drained. Hearing the doctor say, “He’s going to be out in the next push or two,” was such a crazy moment for me. Knowing the next seconds were going to change my life forever, I pushed with all my mental and physical power. I could see the doctor pulling out the baby, holding him up, and then he immediately placed him on my body. Skin to skin with my newborn was the best thing I have ever felt in my life. He was so beautiful. I remember looking at his little fingers, his lips, his perfect face. I was in love.

As he was lying on me, I knew the doctor was delivering the placenta, cleaning up down there and whatever else! But I honestly couldn’t even be bothered to think of it as I was completely enthralled with my little boy. We had picked out his name a couple weeks before, and seeing him confirmed – this is my Otto 🙂

Giving birth has changed my perspective on myself. It’s by far the most insane, beautiful, challenging thing I have ever done. It has made me see how capable and strong I truly am. I have such an appreciation for my physical body and my willpower.

Was I scared? Yes. Will I do it again? I have no idea. All I know is it brought me the best thing, my Otto, my pride and joy. I’m crying writing this; I don’t think I’ll ever be able to talk about this story without tearing up.

Good luck to any moms-to-be about to give birth. You have so much power in you and you’re going to get through it. Congrats to any moms who have just given birth. Every story matters, every experience is different and valid. We are all amazing.

Xx Maya

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Disclosure: The post contains affiliate links. That means I may earn a small commission if you purchase through my links, at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate, I earn commissions from qualifying products.