As I am currently weaning my 16 month old, I have been reflecting a lot lately on my breastfeeding experience. I figured now would be a good time to write about the ups and downs and what these 16 months have been like for me as a first time mom. It has by no means been easy, but I am grateful for and amazed by what my body has done for my son.

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The First Few Hours

After giving birth, everything is such a blur. I remember thinking how natural it would be, holding my little newborn and having him breastfeed for the first time. Boy was I wrong! My first experience with breastfeeding was with the postpartum nurse guiding me. She roughly grabbed my boob and started massaging it, and I was not expecting that😅 – it HURT! She pushed Otto onto my nipple and said that I really have to “shove him” onto it. She wasn’t wrong of course, but I was surprised. It didn’t feel all that natural. In the hospital I ended up hand expressing colostrum and feeding it to Otto because I wasn’t all that confident in my latch yet.

The First Few Days

At home, I started getting the hang of it. I think having privacy and the time to bond with Otto was really helpful for me. He was latching well and I was happy! It was definitely something to get used to though. I couldn’t believe I was now a mom, let alone a breastfeeding mom. My body had just gone through so many changes and this was yet another one.

The first couple of days my body was of course producing colostrum (a.k.a. liquid gold). After two days my milk started coming in, first on my right side and a couple of days later on my left. This was unexpectedly uncomfortable and to be honest quite painful. I felt like my boobs were carrying a bag of rocks.

I fed on demand which ended up being every 1-2 hours, and even though I knew this going into it, the reality of it absolutely rocked me. Nothing prepares you for being someone’s lifeline 24/7. The days were long and hard but the nights were complete insanity.

The First Few Weeks

I became pretty obsessed with making sure Otto was fed properly. I kept a note in my phone with the timings of all his feeds. I set alarms throughout the night for every 2 hours in case he didn’t wake me up (though he always did, and it was usually before the 2 hour mark).

I heard to avoid offering bottles for the first month while exclusively breastfeeding so baby doesn’t get confused and then only prefers bottles. So I stuck it out, and it was all me for three weeks. After this I would pump once a day so Carlo could use that milk to do at least one or two feeds. I also started a nice freezer stash this way which became really handy. I didn’t love pumping – the feeling of it was unnatural to me and I hated having all those cords attached. That’s when I started doing some research and I found out about the Haakaa(#ad). It’s a silicone pump that attaches so one breast while you feed baby on the other one. It catches all the milk that naturally comes out and it really relieved the feeling of constant engorgement that I had.

I’m not going to lie, breastfeeding, for me, was painful at the beginning. I remember crying every time Otto would latch and I would feel the milk come out. My nipples were in so much pain. I bought nipple shields to help with this, and they did provide a little relief. The pain only lasted a few weeks thankfully and went away naturally. Had it lasted any longer, I would have reached out to a lactation consultant.

Cluster-feeding (WHAT THE ACTUAL ****?!)

Cluster-feeding is when baby feeds multiple times within a short time period. So, instead of every 1-2 hours it can be every 30 minutes or even more often. It can last for a few hours or more (my first time this happened it lasted a full day). I had no idea what it was and I was confused, exhausted, and overall in shock.

The first time my baby decided to cluster-feed, my sister was over spending time with us. I kept thinking we would all be able to hang out, she could hold the baby, maybe I could get some rest. But… it just never happened. She ended up bringing me water and food all day while I was in bed feeding my hungry monster. TGFS (Thank Goodness For Sisters)! We laugh about it now, but it was really a WTF moment for us.

After it happened once, I Googled it and realized it was totally natural and normal. I dreaded the next occurrence but of course it continued randomly over the next little while. He was a growing boy after all!

Mastitis

It took me a few months but I did get into a good rhythm with breastfeeding and slowly started feeling more comfortable with it. Feeding was still on demand, but every 2-3 hours instead of 1-2 (yes, still often but the one hour made a huge difference). I was finally starting to get the hang of things and feel good about breastfeeding! That is, until mastitis happened.

Mastitis came out of nowhere and I feel like I have said this so many times, but I was not prepared for it! I had read about it while pregnant but for some reason I just figured it would never happen to me. After all, I was careful to do everything right while breastfeeding – like keeping clean, sterilizing pump parts, and feeding often and on both sides. Unfortunately I still got mastitis. I was in a lot of pain and had a high fever for days. Having to take care of a baby and breastfeed through this was truly one of the most difficult things I have done. If you want to read more about my experience, I go into more details in my blog post about it.

After I got better, I really considered stopping breastfeeding. I had to really think about the pros and cons but in the end I decided to continue on.

We’re Finally on a Set Schedule

After months of feeding on demand, we FINALLY reached a point where feedings were timed. Let me tell you, this made things so much easier. This was around when Otto was about 9-10 months old. I had been told that once baby starts eating solids (at 6 months) he would naturally stop breastfeeding as much. This was not the case for me. I had been looking forward to this magical moment that didn’t come until months later! When he did start dropping feeds, I was ecstatic. That’s when I decided to create a set schedule and it surprisingly worked really well for us. I thought Otto might be upset that I wasn’t feeding on demand, but he adapted to the schedule. I could finally leave the house feeling less anxious about being away from him. I knew I had to be back at certain times, so I was still restricted in a sense, but this was far better than wondering if he was okay without me.

Getting Easier… But I Want My Body Back!

I made it to the year mark. I was so proud of myself. My goal going into breastfeeding was 2 years, but after I started I changed my goal to 1 year. (Setting a goal without knowing what I was getting into was not realistic😅)!

I loved what my body was doing for Otto but I missed my freedom. I was often “touched out” and I know a lot of it had to do with breastfeeding. I also wanted to stop constantly thinking about my diet, caffeine intake, not being able to enjoy a drink, having to wear nursing friendly clothes, etc.

Starting to Wean

I really started making a conscious effort to wean once Otto turned a year old. Even though it was gradually and naturally happening, I wanted to move things along. 12 months was the magic number for me… I could finally relax knowing that after this age, breastfeeding isn’t necessary anymore. I felt so much relief knowing this, and that anything above this age was just a bonus.

After speaking to our paediatrician, I was told to cut one feed a week mainly so I could avoid discomfort or even mastitis. Nope, I did not want that again! I think this was also helpful in the sense that it didn’t shock Otto.

We tried substituting 3% cow’s milk with each feeding that was cut, but he rejected it for quite some time, until one day he didn’t. Now he drinks it just fine! I did notice he was grumpy for a few days with each reduced feeding, so I would distract him with snacks and extra cuddles.

Almost The End

Fast forward to today, Otto is 16 months old and he is down to simply one breastfeeding session per day. It’s always at 7pm, right before bed time. While it still does keep me “hostage” a bit, it’s a vast difference to what I was doing just a few months ago. I decided I can handle once every 24 hours. I am able to do whatever I want during the day and that is so liberating for me.

I don’t know how long I will continue to do this evening feed, but for now it’s working for us. Maybe Otto will naturally grow out of it, or maybe things will change in the next few months. Whatever happens, I am so proud of myself for how much I have accomplished and been through with breastfeeding!

For My Personalized Recommendations:

Check out my full list of recommended Nursing Products (#CommisionsEarned).

I also created this TikTok playlist about my Breastfeeding Journey! ☺️

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