When you’re pregnant, you frequently hear people say things like, “Enjoy your sleep now cause when the baby’s here…” and, “If you think you’re tired now just wait…” But really, until you experience it, these comments don’t mean anything. You can’t put into words how truly insane the experience of baby sleep (and everything that encompasses) is. But I’m about to try…

1. Newborn Phase

The first few months I pretty much just survived. No one in the house was sleeping (including poor Bailey). Daytimes I was barely functioning, and nighttimes felt like they dragged on forever. Otto would breastfeed every 60-90 minutes throughout the night, and I was lucky if he would go 2 hours, but that didn’t happen very often. He also had reflux, which interfered with his sleep big time. We had to hold him upright for 30 minutes after every single feeding, even throughout the night. So when you do the math… he fed for 20 minutes, held him for 30… then woke up every hour to hour and a half… carry the 2 and you have zombies for parents.

I remember thinking, “I’ll never sleep again,” and honestly believing it. I would have killed for four straight hours of sleep in a row at that point. I envied those parents who were blessed with those rare babies who just somehow sleep in long stretches since birth (unicorn babies I think they’re known as😅).

During the day I didn’t bother with a set schedule in this phase. I just knew he slept a lot and that was normal for newborns. Most of his naps were in his bassinet or in my arms. I have never been much of a napper myself so I struggled with the whole “sleep when the baby sleeps” thing. I found it really difficult to sleep during the day no matter how tired I was. I wish I had been able to because God knows I absolutely needed the rest.

2. Nap Trapped

Once Otto was about 4 months old, I found us naturally getting into a bit more of a routine. I knew he needed 4 naps a day and I was pretty good about reading his tiredness cues. I also started learning about wake windows/the appropriate times a baby should be awake for one period of time. This ultimately led me to becoming a bit obsessed with his naps and made it difficult to do or plan anything. I would constantly be checking the time, not going far on walks, and had trouble telling people what time would be best to visit. This is also known as being nap trapped! I know many new parents struggle with this and it’s easier said than done to just ease up. From an outsider’s perspective, it seems intense and crazy. But as a new mom, you’re just trying to do what’s best for your new baby.

Another significant development that happened during this time period was Otto learning how to roll over. For a while, he was able to roll from his back to his stomach, but not from stomach to back. So during naps, he would roll onto his tummy, and wake up screaming because he was stuck. I got in the habit of running in to save him, and letting him finish his nap in my arms. It slowly just became me not even bothering to put him down for his naps. At first it was sweet, but after a while a baby who ONLY sleeps in your arms can become quite debilitating. Especially when he naps 4 times a day, every day.

Slowly, he dropped down to 3 naps (around 6 months) which did make things slightly easier, but that’s also when teething began😫.

3. Teething

Nothing will disrupt your happy, sweet baby like teething. Every baby will get their teeth at different times, so you can’t plan for it. Even if you could, it wouldn’t make it that much better. After Otto’s first couple of teeth popped out, I found myself wondering how on earth we were going to go through it again for every other tooth (20 times basically).

Otto got his first teeth just before he turned 6 months old. While it was really exciting, it was also really rough. The ordeal lasts about 2 weeks – a few days leading up, about a week while the teeth are surfacing, and then a few days after they have come in. The worst part for me was watching Otto handle all of this and know how painful it must be for him. Teething meds, Tylenol, teething toys and cold/frozen items can only go so far. At some point it just is what it is – awful!

In terms of sleep, we were rocked. After longer stretches (4-5 hours at night) had become more regular, he was once again up every 60-90 minutes and would not settle. There were a few nights in a row I remember having to spend the night on the recliner with him. During the day he was basically glued to me. He just needed to be held and cuddled. We had been going on long walks before that, where he would usually take at least one nap in his stroller, but he couldn’t even tolerate this. He would just become inconsolable after 15 minutes and I would have to rush back home to comfort him.

The good news is, things went back to normal. We were almost at our wits end when suddenly everything seemed to be just fine again (until the next teething episode)!

4. We Didn’t Sleep Train

There is SO much pressure to sleep train your baby. From visits to the paediatrician telling us to do cry it out, to getting bombarded with Instagram accounts promising to have us sleeping if you purchase their program, to friends and family who have had babies preaching about their sleep training methods – this topic has been so overwhelming.

We gave it a few tries here and there but it always ended in me feeling so guilty and awful. I couldn’t stand to hear Otto cry – and I’m not giving myself an award for that or anything. I know other moms hear their babies cry while sleep training and it sure as hell isn’t pleasant for them. Call me weak but I just couldn’t get through it. Do I regret it? Yes and no. If I could have seen the future and known how rocky sleep was going to be over the next few months, maybe I would have succeeded with sleep training. But I also can’t regret my actions of rushing in to comfort Otto; it doesn’t make me a bad mom.

5. Where We Are Now

Otto is currently 11 and a half months old (I KNOW, crazy right😳) and recently his nighttime sleep kind of naturally sorted itself out. It’s not perfect, but it feels like we’re all getting a bit more rest and there is some consistency to his nights. He has a bath around 6pm, I nurse him, and he’s usually asleep in his crib by 6:30-7:00pm. Once in a while he will protest and need a bit more milk but generally he goes down easily. Some nights he will wake up around 9/10pm for a quick feed before the rest of the night, but usually he just stays asleep until the morning. He always wakes up around 5am to feed, but he goes right back into his crib after for another couple of hours. At least we can count on that!

During the day, he is on two naps; one around 10am and the other around 2pm, for an hour each. Let me tell you, going from three to two naps really helps with being able to structure our day and do a little bit more. It’s still restrictive, but not as much as when he was on three naps. The issue with his day sleep is that he still doesn’t sleep in his crib. I know, it sounds nuts that an almost one-year-old doesn’t nap in his crib. We have tried though. We went through a 3 week phase of trying every single nap (twice a day, every day) putting him in his crib. He cried and screamed and protested every single time, relentlessly. I gave up after 3 weeks because again, I couldn’t stand listening to his cries. So currently we do his first nap in the stroller which I love, because I get my 10K steps in (Bailey loves it too). Second nap, he’s on me or Dad. Maybe as he gets a bit older this will finally change but for now it is what it is!

So as you can see, baby sleep is not a one size fits all thing. It’s quite a journey and every baby is different. Sending out good sleep vibes for you and your family!!

xx Maya