A friend of mine, who also happens to be a mom, explained something to me recently when I was telling her about my postpartum struggles and experience. I told her I didn’t quite feel like myself and that so much of me had changed, mind and body. She said, “When the baby was born, the mother was also born,” and nothing had ever made so much sense.

We spend so much time preparing for baby while pregnant (which is absolutely necessary). Baby registry, baby shower, nursery Pinterest boards, actual nursery, buying clothes in every size and washing/folding them perfectly before baby arrives, baby baby baby! In my experience, I would say I spent one tenth of the amount of time and energy prepping for postpartum and becoming a mom, and that’s being generous. Most of that time was spent on making a hospital bag list (I didn’t even end up packing the bag cause my water broke early, but that’s another story!) and taking one 90 minute prenatal class devoted to postpartum care. In comparison, my baby registry had over 100 items on it. For every item, I googled studied blogs and watched YouTube videos so I could pick the best product in each category. I devoted hours to researching diaper pails and bottle sterilizers, and left myself in the dust.

Nobody really warns you what you’re in store for postpartum. I guess partially because every woman will experience it differently, and perhaps because no one wants to scare you. But I think it’s even more scary because we don’t talk about it all that much.

Postpartum – especially the first time – is the emergence of a new being known as mama (or mom, mommy, whatever you want to call her). Physically and emotionally, she is a new woman combined of bits and pieces of her old and new self. The thing is, the new self literally happens overnight. We take years and years developing ourselves and growing as individuals, but become mothers over a 24 hour period. We are expected to snap into this new role and carry on with life as usual, with our little additions. Except it isn’t that simple.

Besides the sleep deprivation, the physical pain and recovery, and the shifting hormones, all while taking care of a helpless newborn, the new mother must come to terms with her new identity:

• A body that is softer and squishier.

• Breasts that are full and sore and leak at any given moment.

• Nipples that ache.

• Tired eyes and dark circles.

• Pyjamas, baggy clothes, messy hair.

• Being responsible for another human’s life and well being.

• Meeting all of the baby’s physical and emotional needs, all the time.

• Putting the baby before herself in every single situation.

This all would take some time getting used to, but the problem is, there is no time! Like I said, we become moms overnight. That’s why we’re amazing. It’s difficult, but it’s also beautiful. It’s ok to mourn old parts of ourselves and want our free time. It’s ok to feel like it’s all too much. At the same time, we feel the deepest love and devotion for our babies.

So give yourself the chance to come into motherhood on your own terms. Don’t be fooled by unrealistic expectations and pressure. Realize how much you have been through in such a short amount of time, and be kind to yourself.

xx Maya